Election Strategy Against Rakhi Sawant

Election Strategy against Rakhi Sawant

 in the Mumbai North-West Constituency

Indian Politicians, or for that matter, politicians everywhere, regardless of whether they can deliver on their promises or not, (or as an inside scoop could possibly clarify, “whether they want to deliver on their promises or not), can be assessed to share certain qualities among each of them. Notably, 1) Oratorical skills, 2) Ability to sway popular emotions, 3) Mass appeal, 4) and fourth one will be, well, I guess I should stop enumerating here because too much imagination for one day can become a formative stage for some DSM enlisted psychotic disorder. 

In a country that is content with the real deal’s approximation closest to the absolute nadir, Oratory can be sufficed for with Logorrhea, Emotional Commandeering can be sufficed for with Chicanery, Mass Appeal can be sufficed for with Mass Delusion, and fourth one can be any damn thing that makes you look like a politician, perhaps, a Nehruesque attire or the good-old pajama kurthas, as white as the lies uttered by their wearers. Oratory or incoherent mumbling is more or less the same, after all it is merely a matter of degree, something which does not matter at all when it comes to our politician’s qualifications.

Now, we are in the throes of 2014 election fever and Mumbai’s North West Lok Sabha Constituency faces a battle royale at its centre with the motor-mouth Rakhi Sawant in the fray, donning the political hat, or the docile dupatta, if you prefer, against the candidates fielded by the Congress, AAP and other parties which tend to believe regional issues have national resonance.

It will do well if the Congress and the AAP understand that they are at a veritable disadvantage against the super-strong Ms. Sawant owing to her effusive mass appeal that goes well with her common upbringings. The scales are heavily tipped in her favour. It would do well for the other parties in the fray if electoral strategies could be re-visited at the drawing board. If at all any such revisionary exercise is undertaken, then I will like to suggest a Potato and an Onion as the candidates that should be fielded against Ms. Sawant.

Ms. Sawant’s aam aadmi, *oops, sorry*, aam aurat, *oops, I did it again*, aam ladki appeal and her grounded nature is a formidable combination that can mesmerise the aam junta into believing her as the modern day Joan of Arc railing against the forces of social inequality. Her appeal which is very well rooted can only be defeated by, not the high-flying fundabaaz’ of the day, but by either Potato or Onion, who are known to have stayed well-rooted since they were discovered by civilization. I don’t seriously think that any currently fielded candidate could possibly match her in that aspect. Additionally, her argumentative reasoning and logical consistency can only be matched by a Potato or an Onion. So what if neither of the two speak? Both can still claim to have played an important financial role in an ordinary Indian’s life….even before 1991.

Besides, the desirability of Ms. Sawant in the heart and mind of a common Indian male can only be trumped by the stronger desire of his’ wife or mother to have a steady supply of affordable kaanda-bataata in their kitchens. Yes, Ms. Sawant can only be possibly defeated if a Potato or an Onion is fielded against her. Also, it is well discussed that months of electoral campaigning comes to naught on the election day, when the voter is impelled by emotional compulsions. If after voting, the voter has to buy few kilos of potatoes and onions from the local bazaar, we can only guess, what symbols on the EVM will catch the voter’s eye. 

After thorough thinking, I would recommend that the INC not field an Onion against Ms. Sawant and should definitely go for a Potato. Wonder why? The answer lies in brand image. 

Image from here.