U're in Trouble

In India, protesting openly will get you beaten, by politicians, public and those generally in positions of getting you beaten. Courts in India have always believed in upholding the rights dearest to a common man. It recently re-crystallised the common man’s Right to Protest. This, the Delhi High Court did by refusing to intervene on a petition that would have restricted men from urinating in public. If there is a way a common man can protest without getting his bones broken, then it is by urinating on walls with politician’s faces pasted on them. Don’t under-estimate the power of a Micturating Man. It goes without saying that the High Court’s refusal to entertain the petition brought quite a “relief”!!

Even the Judges are exasperated at this issue and have embraced the Court’s inability to curb this menace. On a lighter note, they said, that short of getting every man’s zipper locked and the keys left at home, there is little which the Courts can do. There is mighty truth in that statement. When the bladder is completely full, there is nothing else one can do about it. A bladder full of piss is like Modi’s chances of becoming India's next Prime Minister, because “You can’t stop a wave, whose time has come”.

Indeed, as the Judges hearing that petition noted, even pasting photos of gods and deities on the walls have not deterred people from urinating on them. Naturally Modi feels under more pressure to up-vote toilets over temples even as he declared temples can come later, after sufficient toilets are built. 53% Indians still defecate in the open. Every Indian home needs one toilet. I don’t know why for some reason, Har Har Modi, Ghar Ghar Modi now sounds like a slogan for a sanitation drive.

During the panel discussion on sanitation in this year’s edition of India Today Conclave, Jack Sim, founder of the World Toilet Organization (Yes, there are people who are concerned about your pee and potty issues) said, “We have to create a revolution to make toilets sexy”. If Mr. Jack Sim feels that toilets are NOT SEXY, then he obviously has not seen a single public urinal in India. Besides being sexy, public urinals in India are also educational. Well, kids gotta be taught about the Birds and the Bees, something which Indian parents don’t believe exist until your bridal bed is prepared to be pounded.

But let’s imagine for a while that sometime in the future, a law is passed against relieving oneself in the public. If that happens, can you imagine the sheer amount of injustice that will be caused? Our society already frowns on everything that gives pleasure and there was one exception to that rule, which will also be taken away.

But even if such a law is passed, how effective will it be against a random member of the public pissing, right on your front wall? Well, if there is going to be such a ban, people will simply stop doing it on the front and move to the backsides…of buildings, of course! Besides, will it constitute a dereliction of duty if a police constable waits till the offender is finished emptying himself? Or will the constable be duty bound to arrest the offender in the middle of his offence? *visual description censored*. On the contrary, none of that is going to happen, because police personnel will simply get another item added to their list of bribe-generating activities. You got caught while pissing in public? Now pay Rs. 100/- to a police-waalah to walk away. People paying up that much money after pissing is going to make Sulabh Managers feel stupid about their business strategy. Anyhow, experience with implementation of laws in India speaks of a very low success rate (except when taking your money is involved). Such a law will make no difference like pissing in the ocean, except maybe when you are in Portugal. I hope Portugal’s Tourism Department doesn’t entice tourists with phrases like, “Planning to visit us? You’re in for a surprise”.

After all is said and done, it has to be mentioned that if not the Courts, atleast public walls can continue to be the places for inept lawyers to obtain “Urgent Relief”.

Eigch, sorry about that last one! My sympathies are with the public walls of India.

Image from here.