Acchay Din Aanay Waalay Hain

Q. What begins with Al and is a potential threat for EU officials?

Al-Phonso.

May 16 is getting nearby and the pitch of the song, “Acche Din Aane Waalay hain” gets shriller. That is very much right and why should it not be? 6.3 Million Pounds, i.e., 64 Crores worth of Alphonso Mangoes will be available in Indian markets now for domestic consumption. And that quantity will be available because of the ban by UK alone. The EU wide ban means that a lot more will now be available domestically. One of life’s many mysteries has been solved for me, i.e., Why were Alphonsos so highly priced until now? Now I will know the answer when Alphonsos will be cheap enough to become unviable for sale through online stores. But, with that development, do not expect your Alphonso box-crates gifts to impress your bosses anymore. 

Did EU see a threat in Alphonso exports from India? Yes, EU officials considered ‘fruit flies’ as a threat and so they sent Alphonsos back to India. Although EU’s reasons for banning Alphonso’s export does not mean India will restrict sales of Alphonsos domestically. Why would the Indian government hit itself on its foot with a spade? Come on, germs and flies on our fruits and vegetables are part of the National Immunization Program.

But this summer is going to be sweeter not just for the Alphonso fans amidst the Common Man, but also for Digvijay Singh who has now admitted to his relationship with the journalist Amrita Rai. The UN funded search expedition for someone who takes Digvijay Singh seriously is now officially over. Digvijay Singh netted such an awesome catch that would make Chris Lynn & Jonty Rhodes seem like members of a Gully Cricket Team. If Sonia Maino could write a letter of recommendation for Diggy, it will even confirm his chances of becoming the next Italian Prime Minister. 

Amrita Rai is a T.V anchor and a journalist and Digvijay Singh is a politician. Now, that’s what you call a classic case of “Friends with Benefits”. It’s a new kind of politician-media nexus out there now. Paid Media is too passé, Mr. Varadarajan! It’s time to focus on Laid Media. Besides the couple, I know someone else too who will benefit by Diggy’s decision to get married at the age of 67. Salman Khan will no longer feel old for another 18 years, every-time that he is asked by entertainment journos about his marriage plans. It goes without saying that Diggy got irked at this intrusion of personal sphere. He is, for one, right about that, despite his abject hypocrisy. People have no right to interfere in the personal lives of others, unless they are actors, of course.                   (wait!)…..  and are from Bollywood too.

Perhaps now we know why the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen was such a flop, despite having Sean Connery in it. Because, he was not supported with a cast that could complement him, the kind that have virility and white hair in equal measure, like Digvijay Singh, N D Tiwari, and Abhishek Manu Singhvi. Nonetheless, for the sake of future, I know just the right person to suggest for a Bollywood version of “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button”.

P.S. He trended on twitter for more than a week. Boy, he surely did prove he can last longer than most others.

Meanwhile, in a secret room hidden from public glare, Amrita Rai snuggles upto Digvijay Singh on a soft smooth bed and whispers in his ear, “Acche Din Aane Waale Hain.” I will give you chawwani for figuring out who develops a thing for BDSM that night. 

Image from here.